My Method of Madness

So here’s the deal, I decided to write this blog because I am embarking on what I feel is one of the most difficult journeys of my life. Ive always enjoyed writing, hence the blog. I need to be able to share my feelings somewhere soooo…here I am! Tah Dah!

I have come to certain realizations about myself that can no longer be ignored.

I am fat. Not just fat…I am F A T

I am dangerously fat

I am going to die young if I don’t do something about this.

I am a Diabetic with Kidney Disease, sleep apnea and a host of other shit.

I can diminish the effects of these diseases if I lose weight..

No brainer right?


I’ve been struggling with my weight for years. Ever since I’d say since I was about 13 or so I struggled.

So I turned what most people saw as a negative aspect into a positive. I became a plus sized model.  I was celebrated for my curves. My Wicked Curves. They are wicked in so many different ways as they brought me moderate fame, moderate fortune and of course in the end are ultimately killing me. People knew me ( or Tori ) BECAUSE of my size. I was a beautiful fat woman which is kind of rare. Sure there are thousands of women who THINK they are BBW’s ( Big Beautiful Women ) but in reality, they aren’t beautiful in the conventional sense of the word. They may be cute, they may be pretty…hell…they may be down right ugly but BEAUTIFUL is a term I think is WAY overused…but that’s a subject for another post. I truly believe /insert ego here/ that I am an aesthetically beautiful girl and I turned my size into a positive. I wrote many articles about how women should feel proud of their size regardless of what it was because they were beautiful to someone.The whole beauty is in the eye of the beholder ideal. I led by example by shedding my excess clothes and truly celebrating my curves and my abundant beauty. I was very proud of my accomplishments.


I was NOT proud of myself.

Deep inside I knew this was not beautiful. I knew that the excess adipose tissue surrounding my vital organs was hurting them. I knew the excess fat around my middle was putting me at risk for so many things but I put it aside.

I was making a difference to people. I had the thank you letters from housewives across America to prove it. I ‘accepted’ “who I was” like I preached to many people over the years.

Well News Flash kiddos, this is not who I am. The person I became is a tired, overweight sick woman. Yeah, I’m pretty but pretty only gets you so far.

For years I “accepted” myself for who I was. Well that’s the key word, WAS . I identified with the term BBW to the point where people called me BBWTori. They still do. I just don’t want to be a BBW anymore. I want to be a healthy, happy, energetic woman.  A HHEW lol for lack of a better term. BIG doesn’t fit in that ideal anymore. Not for me.

So I am embarking on a weight loss journey…Rather my incredible, talented, intelligent (overweight) 13 year old son Joshua and I are embarking on a weight loss journey. More about him later.

This is the beginning of a new era for Vikki. Thanks for joining me.


Posted in Demons, diet, fat, fear, journey, PSMF, realizations, Weight Loss, Wicked, Wicked Curves | Tagged | 40 Comments

Well things certainly have changed!

I havent been around much as I have been dealing with life in general. To make a long story short, I need to lose weight again. Since I had such incredible success with Dr Fountis I decided to give her a call and enlist her help again. Both Josh and I wanted to try again….
Well guess what? Instead of helping us she decided to NOT allow us back into the program….WHY? BECAUSE OF THIS BLOG. She said, even though I called her a lifesaver and said NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH ABOUT MY EXPERIENCES… that I was spreading negative LIES about her and her staff. Thats utter BS.  Where??? The FOUNTIS WAY OF EATING helped me yes, but I didn’t do as well as I should of when I weaned off. All the things that happened to me in this blog are 100% factual and truthful. Apparently she didn’t like what I had to say. I am VERY DISAPPOINTED in the office! Why would a Doctor, who received rave yet honest reviews about her service ban me from her practice because I spoke the truth about my experiences during her program? Not exactly sure- but its God’s way of saying I don’t need her help. She then asked me to send her a print out of my blog and show her what I wrote. She wanted me to prove to her what I said wasn’t negative! How was I supposed to do that as apparently her opinion is absolutely different than mine.  Half way through the conversation I was like WTF? I don’t need to beg anyone for help! There are countless other physicians out there willing to take my  business. I was beyond disappointed at what I felt at this point was complete arrogance. If I was writing a disparaging blog about her then why on earth would I ask her for help again? I can’t express how shocked I was at this!
Dr. Sophia Fountis’ Healthy Way of Eating absolutely helped me lose a significant amount of weight in a short period of time but like I said, every struggle, every issue and every feeling I had associated with that journey was journaled here AND 100% MY truthful experience. Im very disappointed in how my son and I have been treated but alas it is her right to decide to treat me or not.
I have no idea what is in this blog that made her decide not to treat me again but you be the judge. I’m just grateful God guides me and has shown me that this physician’s program is no longer on my life’s path. If you choose to work with Dr. Fountis in the future, I only have to say that this is a factual journal of my experiences and my son’s experiences while on the program. I can speak for no one but he and I. If stating THE TRUTH gets you banned from seeing a health care professional then you know what, the TRUTH will set you free. Its up to YOU to make the best decisions regarding your own personal health. I’ll let YOU be the judge of who you want to manage your care. Just remember how she and her staff have treated my son and I. Best of luck….and remember your journey is your own.


Posted in Demons, diet, Healthier Weigh, journey, PSMF, Weight Loss, Wicked, Wicked Curves | 23 Comments


Sorry I havent been around. Life has been a bit difficult since I started to wean off the Fountis way of eating.  I have failed miserably and dont know what to do.  I dont remember if I mentioned it but my hair started falling out right as I was to start weaning.  It is now 4 months later and its finally coming back but its coming back differently.  I gained back just abut 1/2 the weight I lost since September because of the cruise, my trip to NY and of course the holidays. Nothing fits my body is totally different and I feel yucky. My doctors are at odds on if I should start Fountis again because f the hair loss and “GASP” gallbladder issues I developed.

Its been one ouchie, bumpy ride and I am at a loss as to what to do next

I feel sick so I cant really exercise. My stomach hurts and my hormones are all out of whack ( PCOS has reared its ugly head and I am no longer ovulating) Is it all coincidence or is it related to the rapid weight loss… My doctors differ in opinion. What do I think? I have no idea. All i know is my blood sugars are back up, my weight is climbing and I feel horrible. I dont like this one bit

What to do, what to do….


Posted in Demons, diet, fat, fear, frustration, journey, PSMF, realizations, Weight Loss, Wicked, Wicked Curves | 19 Comments

Flab minus 80 and counting!

So I started weaning off the diet so I can go on my first break. It seemed like forever but in reality it wasn’t. The weaning process is simple. You stay on the prescribed amount of foods you were on but you add a little more each day. It is simple but it is precise. Tomorrow is my last day of weaning then I am on a limited calorie maintenance diet until  I can start up again.

I just took this photo on my computer screen…. This is my progress in the past FOUR MONTHS. 121 DAYS to be exact….

I am 80 pounds lighter.

I have lost 10 inches around my waist.

I went from a size 28 to a size 18 Jeans

I went from a 26/28 sized shirt (plus size) to a XXL or XL depending on cut.

I lost 24.1% of my body weight.

My fasting blood sugars went from the 300’s to the 90’s

My A1C went from 8.8% to 4.7%

My lipid panel is normal.

and did I mention I FEEL AMAZING???

Because I do. When I was with Dr. Fountis today it took all I had not to break down and cry. She literally saved my life. This program saved my life. I am closer to healthy than I have been in a very long time and there is no stopping me now.

Now I must admit this break is coming at a good time. My body has had enough of the limited calories. I know. I can feel it. My hair is falling out faster than it ever has, which I was warned it could possibly do. I know I’m not going bald but this break my body will be on will be a good thing for me. I will get to re-feed and re-fuel myself to be totally ready for Phase 2. Do I plan to lose another 80 pounds? Sure. Will I lose another 80 pounds during the next 4 month cycle? I don’t know. I have a feeling my progress may slow a bit but I think this break will help. If I did the program as prescribed I will be back on again within 3 weeks. A 21 day break. That’s not going to happen for me. I am headed to NYC next week and then a week later I will be sailing the Ocean blue with my family. We are going on a long awaited family vacation to Ocho Rios and the Grand Cayman Islands. Its going to be more like a 6 week break then Josh and I will be visiting Dr Fountis again to start back up :) I am excited for the next chapter in all this. Right now my focus will be on maintenance and enjoying myself.

80 Pounds GONE! Whoooooo hooooo!

Love youse!


Posted in BMI, diet, fat, Healthier Weigh, journey, PSMF, realizations, Weight Loss | 21 Comments

Labor Day 2011

I know I haven’t been writing as much as I would have liked but life is getting pretty hectic. Friday was the one year anniversary of my husband’s open heart surgery and it was pretty emotional for me. I think I hid it well from everyone though. Today we spent the evening with old family friends and I loved catching up with them. It was so much fun I think we are going to do it again soon! YAY!

Anyways in honor of Labor Day and my upcoming break from the Fountis way of eating I decided to post my “Half way there” photo…The before pic was taken in December of 2010 even though I officially started my diet in May. Here are the 1/2 way results:

Posted in Weight Loss | 296 Comments

Flab minus 70 and counting….

So hello everyone! I went to see my LifeSaver today ( Dr Fountis ) and I didn’t even realize Joshua and I were so close to our break. Josh decided he was going to start weaning and take his break a little early while I am going to stay on for 12 more days then start weaning off. Its a 5 day process of reintroducing different types of foods into your system so this should be interesting. The coolest thing is that Dr Fountis really makes it idiot proof. she has everything worked out and even has a sample shopping list from Sprouts as to what are Good foods vs Bad foods. You make your own menu per your own tastes in foods. Its really simple. I was very resistant to it all but I am so glad I did it. I feel AMAZING.

ANYWAY Josh has lost a total of 61 pounds averaging .6 pounds per day. That’s amazing for a 13 year old kid. He Looks great, he feels great and he plans to continue. Myself I have lost a total of 70. I started on May 9th at 332.8 pounds and today August 29th I am at 262.8 pounds. After the 13th of Sept ( my last appt with her for a few) I am going to wean myself off the diet and take about a 6 week break. Normally she has her patients take a 21 day break but I will be out of the country so I’m taking a little longer. As long as we follow her maintenance program and work out as much as possible , at least an hr a day, we will not gain.

Of course I am concerned about my blood sugar spiking once I reintroduce more carbs into my diet but I’m going to take it day by day and see what happens. I trust Dr Fountis so I’m just going to do what she says and pray for the best outcome. Ill write more tomorrow once I have some time to myself but I just wanted to share all this YAY!!!

Love Youse


Posted in Weight Loss | 27 Comments

Flab minus 67 and counting…..

67.6 pounds total to be exact. As of today 8/18 and after being in ketosis for 97 days I am down a total on 67.6 pounds. I have lost on average .7 pounds per day.

Ok in JUST over 90 days I have lost 67.6 pounds. That’s the official weigh in on my Doctor’s calibrated scale. That’s no guesstimate. I also had a crap load of blood work done. my HbA1C which gives me an average blood sugar count for the past 3 months was low as well. 3 months ago my a1c was 8.8 The average person runs anywhere from 4.8 to 6.5.  I was at 4.7 . 4.7.  I can’t even fathom that. My Cholesterol, Triglycerides etc were all within normal ranges where they were off the charts before. Even my protein spillage, which is still high but has gone down considerably since my last check. ( Spilling protein in your urine is indicative of someone who has kidney disease. I have kidney disease) I’ve never been so thrilled to be normal.

This is me trying to be normal…taken just now. 11:39pm 8/18

I am working on normal from the inside out. I feel better, I look better and I feel better. NO that’s not a typo I FEEL BETTER. I can’t explain how GOOD that feels. I know I have a long road ahead of me but I am walking it…soon, I’ll be able to jog it. Then run it. Then, it will just be second nature. I will never again take for granted good health. I am well on my way to being normal. Thank You God. Thank You Dr. Fountis!


Posted in diet, fat, journey, PSMF, realizations, The Biggest Loser, Weight Loss, Wicked, Wicked Curves | 49 Comments

I’m a thief and I admit it….


Ok so Im gonna steal this next post because it struck a chord with me. Some of you know that I am going back to school after years of modeling to become a nurse. I have ALWAYS held a sincere fascination about how the body works and how we can heal ourselves but this post on Diary of a Mad Fat Woman really hit home. You can not DENY that fat can hurt a body after looking at these images and reading the commentary by Amanda’s fiance Jason. Read the post, look at the pictures and decide for your self. I did and I am glad that it was able to solidify my reasoning to finally get healthier:


The original post:

Last week I wrote a post titled “Fat and Happy, Fat and Fit: A Contradiction?”  This is a sort of follow up to that post – but not the kind you’re thinking. I want to be clear on something: I do believe its possible to be fat, fit, and happy. However, being simultaneously fat and healthy is undoubtedly difficult, and takes more work to achieve than it would for a “thin” person. What is my point? My point is this:
 The image on the left is NOT fat and fit, fat and healthy, or fat and happy.
Wow. Right?
This image has been floating around the internet, and making its way through all of the weight loss blogs. I have yet to find its original source, so I decided to bring in a “guest blogger” to help me break it down.
Some of you may know my fiancé, Jason, works in radiology & nuclear medicine at one of the best hospitals in the country, and the number one hospital in Pittsburgh. He has many duties – primarily he injects patients with radioactive isotopes in order to take different types of “images” of the various parts of the body. He performs different “studies” to help diagnose illness and disease, and he has shared many stories with me about patients he sees who are morbidly obese (all within HIPPA guidelines, I assure you).

I sat down with Jason and showed him the image above, and asked him to talk about what he sees at work, as well as to analyze the image to the best of his ability.   

*** Disclaimer: Jason is NOT a radiologist, or medical doctor. The information given here is based purely on his schooling, and his years working in radiology. ***

A: Tell me what you see when you look at the MRI image of the obese vs. the thin person?

Cardiomegaly : A medical Condition in which the heart becomes severely enlarged. This can lead to several other health issues, including congestive heart failure. One in 3 cases of Congestive Heart Failure is attributed to cardiomegaly.
Osteoarthritis:  also known as degenerative arthritis or degenerative joint disease, is a group of
mechanical abnormalities involving degradation of joints,including articular cartilage and subchondral bone. Symptoms may include joint pain, tenderness, stiffness, locking, and sometimes an effusion (commonly “fluid on the knee”). You can see the image on the left shows that the joints – in particular the hips and ankles, are misaligned.
Fatty Liver Disease:  A disease of the liver caused by excessive storage of fat. FLD can lead to
Steatohepatitis, a type of hepatitis caused by liver inflammation. Steatohepatitis can progress to cirrhosis, and ultimately lead to liver failure if left untreated.
IBS or other digestive issues: Jason included Irritable bowel syndrome as a sort of “blanket” diagnosis. The image shows “black pockets in the intestinal tract which indicated the presence of large amounts of air or gas”. Large air pockets are often associated with people who suffer from a number of gastrointestinal afflictions, including but not limited to IBS. Common symptoms of IBS are bloating and abdominal distention.
Massive Amounts of Adipose“: You can see in the image that the yellowish tissue is adipose, or fat. What is most obvious is the amount of subcutaneous adipose deposited in the most expected areas: the arms, midsection, and thighs. But the more shocking and life threatening condition is the presence of both visceral adipose and epicardial adipose tissues:
Visceral Adipose: Visceral fat, also known as organ fat or intra-abdominal fat, is located inside the peritoneal (abdominal) cavity, packed in between internal organs and torso, as opposed to subcutaneous fat which is found underneath the skin, and intramuscular fat which is found interspersed in skeletal muscle. Visceral Fat is associated with higher risk of heart disease, hypertension, insulin resistance, and Type 2 Diabetes.
Epicardial Adipose (fat): Epicardial Adipose is fat that has deposited around the heart. This can cause any number of problems with the heart; it is associated with coronary artery disease.

I also specifically asked about the differences in the brain region. He said that because the MRI is sliced and centered in order to show the same areas of the body, the positioning of the brain on each slice is different. So the different colors between the image on the left and the image on the right are just caused by the brain being “sliced” at a slightly different region. What looks like fat is actually a normal part of the brain. So, he really can’t see any difference in the brain – and would require an HRMRI of the brain itself, sliced differently, in order to compare.

I did a sort of Q&A with him, just to get some more info, because at this point I was pretty interested.


A:  In your career would you say you see a lot of issues that are caused primarily by obesity?

J: Yes.

A: What are some of the most common things?

J: Problems with the gallbladder. Arthritis.

A: People get scans for arthritis??

J: Well, they get scans for “leg pain” and they find out its arthritis because their frame can’t support their body weight. Arthritis affects joints – it causes rubbing.  One of the reasons you get arthritis is because you have all this weight pushing on – compacting- the joints. So instead of them being fluid because there is liquid in between, there is a rubbing & grinding, because its too heavy for your frame. That why I keep telling you you better lose weight now because as you get older its too late. She [image 1] probably also has back pain or spinal issues. Even though you can’t see the spine in this you can guess – because its so common in someone that big. As well as leg pain… look at her feet – you can see she has a misalignment of the ankles.  We also do a lot of scans for PE (pulmonary embolism) due to “non activity”.

A: Because people who are sedentery are more suspectible to PE?

J: Exactly. Another big thing is the lack of quality care overweight people recieve.

A: Whys that?

J: They’re too big to be properly diagnosed by our equipment.

A: Like, their weight exceeds the weight limits of the machines?

J: Not only that, but the excessive fat makes it difficult to see if there are problems. It attenuates radiation. The radiation can’t break through the adipose. It lowers the quality of the image. Its grainy – you get “noise” on the image instead of a clear crisp image.

J: The big thing is people who are overweight get worse medical care – but they need more medical care. There are people that we have to turn away because they’re too big to fit into our scanners. We just can’t get proper scans done on them.

A: How big would you have to be for that to happen?

J: As low as 350lbs at our hospital. And smaller hospitals that don’t have the better equipment, maybe even less. You would think that that’s high [weight], but its really not.

A: Well, no, its not really that much. If that woman there [image 1] is 250lbs and 5’6, I’m sure its not difficult to find a 6ft tall man who is 350+ pounds. What would they do in a case like that? They just get turned away, and they can’t get the scan at all? Aren’t there other hospitals that have larger cameras or scanners?

J: Well the rumor is that they have had to send people to the Pittsburgh Zoo to use their cameras. I’ve heard coworkers talk about it. I’ve never actually seen it happen myself though. But that’s what they say.

A: But have you personally turned people away?

J: Yeah, I’ve turned away plenty of patients because they’re too big.

A: And then what does the hospital do?

J: Whatever they can do without the scan. Heres the problem: the doctor has less reliable information in order to make an informed diagnosis and give medical treatment. So fat people get worse medical care because the doctor has to make an educated “guess” a lot of the time. Whereas, if we could have done a CT on the person, a quality CT, we would have caught that nodule of cancer, or seen where they have a stress fracture or something. Oh, This is a good example, look at this – this person doesn’t even fit into the machine:

IMAGE 2 – CT (Jason did a google search for patients too big for imaging)

J: … Here the person is bigger than the field of view. See this white? That’s their bones – their frame. This white spot in the middle is their spine. The lighter grey in the center is their internal organs. And all this grainy darker grey around the outside – that’s all fat. So the CT can’t even take a picture of some parts because it can’t fit around them. And the grainy quality of the image is what I was talking about earlier – the “attenuation” because the rays are absorbed by some of the fatty tissues. So it makes it harder to diagnose problems, you see?

Another thing is, you know, bigger people need more radiation to get the same quality image as someone of a healthier weight. For example, a CT uses a method called “care dose” or “smart dose” – where the machine automatically adjusts the amount of radiation in order to get the best quality image possible. Now for someone who is bigger, they have a lot of adipose tissue to penetrate, the machine will adjust the CT – and sometimes they end of with a lot more radiation than they should have because that’s how much it takes to penetrate. Sometimes its more than twice the amount that it would be for someone of a healthier weight. But you know, you have to take the image because it could be for a serious health problem – life or death.

Sometimes we will get images like this [image 2], and we’ll look at an image and say ‘look at how tiny his/her rib cage is inside all of this fat’  – People don’t realize that your bones are the same size, no matter how much fat you put on top. And that is one of the things that causes so many problems. Your bones, your heart, lungs, liver… its not meant to support all of that excess weight and fat.


After I finished talking with Jason I decided to do some more research on the subjects. While I was able to find statements from the American College of Radiology to discredit the ability of Zoo’s to scan obese patients, I also found out that there are many calls to zoos all over the country from Doctors themselves requesting MRI, CT, XRay, & NucMed scans of morbidly obese patients.

I decided to call the local “Open MRI” provider to see if their “open” MRI was able to handle heavier folks. I was informed by the receptionist that the limits on their machines are 300lbs, and only 17″ in width. She referred me to another local hospital. Their receptionist informed me that the weight limit is 350lbs, and the width is “about an arm length, but we suggest that larger patients come in and view the machines themselves first.”

These are issues I’ve never really thought about. Of course my family has a history of diabetes, so I’ve always been aware that I’m at risk. But the other things – osteoarthritis, PE, fatty liver disease, heart disease, congestive heart failure, cardiomegaly… those are things that I’ve never thought of. And I certainly have never considered how difficult it might be for a doctor to properly diagnose an illness or disease. Can you imagine not knowing you have cancer because you had to much belly fat to detect it? And I’m sure it happens much more often than we realize.

Just one more reason to get off that couch, and go for a walk, take a swim, cruise on your bike. Because your life depends on it!

Until next time,


Kinda eye opening, right?

Love youse


Posted in BMI, Demons, diet, fat, fear, frustration, Healthier Weigh, journey, realizations, The Biggest Loser, Weight Loss, Wicked Curves | 33 Comments

Inspiration comes from many places…

This is one BRILLIANT list.  Read it, breathe it. Live it. I will :


People always ask me “how?” and I know the main reason, aside from curiosity, is that they are hoping what I say will be something they can apply to their own lives.  I absolutely believe we can learn something from each other and if you want success, looking to a successful person is a wise and reasonable thing to do.

However, what I did to lose the weight is not going to be right for everyone.  So don’t be discouraged when you read that I gave up meat or joined a gym if those are things you cannot or don’t want to do in your life.  There are so many different ways to do this.  Just because it worked for me, doesn’t mean it’s right for you in your life.  If it’s not right for you in your life, you won’t stick with it.

A lot of people mistakenly think I lost the weight by going vegetarian.  This is not true.  I didn’t go veggie until I had already lost 60+ pounds.  In fact, I didn’t really change what I ate until about a year into it.  Before that, I really just counted calories and ate less. One can make good or bad choices with pretty much any way of eating.  There are fat, unhealthy vegans and there are fit, healthy people who regularly eat fast food cheeseburgers.

125 things I did to lose the 125 lb over 2.5 years

  1. Joined a gym
  2. Went to the gym
  3. Kept going to the gym
  4. Joined
  5. Set a goal to lose the weight no matter how long it took and never gain it back
  6. Counted calories
  7. Read about fitness, health, food and nutrition at every opportunity
  8. Started going to the Health section first on any news site
  9. Read labels
  10. Learned how many calories are in a gram of fat, carbohydrate, or protein
  11. Did the elliptical
  12. Cut out high fructose corn syrup
  13. Cut out artificial sweeteners
  14. Stopped eating fast food except very occasionally
  15. Bought a food scale
  16. Used smaller plates
  17. Used tiny bowls for snacks
  18. Ate less calories than I burned (but not too many less)
  19. Ate breakfast
  20. Brought lunch to work instead of going out
  21. Weened myself off sugar in my coffee
  22. Drank water by default
  23. Limited drinking alcohol to special occasions
  24. Occasionally had dessert
  25. Used machines for weight training
  26. Took group exercise classes
  27. Did the Couch to 5K running program
  28. Watched Food Inc
  29. Went vegetarian
  30. Ate at least one vegan meal per day
  31. Cooked as much from scratch as possible
  32. Stopped eating processed foods
  33. Ate more vegetables
  34. Ate more fruits
  35. Ate more whole grains
  36. Blogged about weight loss (hi!)
  37. Participated in forums on diet sites
  38. Made adjustments along the way
  39. Told everyone I was going to lose weight (accountability)
  40. Trained for and ran a 5K
  41. Took BodyPump classes
  42. Zumba!
  43. Bought kitchen gadgets (especially my food processor)
  44. Said nice things to myself in the mirror
  45. Stopped berating myself
  46. Listened to my body
  47. Did it for me and for my health and nobody else
  48. Told myself I deserve to be healthy and happy
  49. Ate when I was hungry, stopped when I was full
  50. Weighed myself regularly
  51. Learned to accept weight fluctuations
  52. Took measurements
  53. Rewarded myself with new clothes, bargain shopping at each new size
  54. Focused on quality of food, not quantity
  55. Reached for the smallest slice of pizza instead of the biggest
  56. Portioned out snacks then put the package away instead of eating out of the box or bag
  57. Stopped blaming other people and circumstances for my own choices
  58. Put my foot down at work for my gym time and made it non-negotiable
  59. High Intensity Interval Training
  60. Weight trained with free weights
  61. Found healthy body role models with my body type (Crystal Renn especially)
  62. Took the stairs instead of the elevator
  63. Parked as far away as possible
  64. Cooked larger quantities on weekends and packed up leftovers for the week
  65. Ate half my meals at restaurants and took the other half to go
  66. Rarely got take-out or went out to eat
  67. Bought pricey, but effective, sports bras
  68. Bought pricey, but comfortable, sneakers
  69. Loaded up lots of motivating music on my iPod
  70. Used the Fatsecret iPhone app
  71. Shared my progress with friends and family
  72. Stopped being ashamed of my weight
  73. Read In Defense of Food by Michael Pollan and took it to heart
  74. Went to the gym 5 days a week
  75. Tried new things
  76. Stepped outside my comfort zone
  77. Kept counting calories more and more regularly eventually without fail
  78. Hiked up a mountain or two
  79. Stopped making excuses
  80. Realized perfection was not a requirement for success
  81. Untangled my self-worth from my weight
  82. Read about body image
  83. Got angry about how women are portrayed in the media
  84. Ran around my neighborhood
  85. Believed in myself
  86. Trusted myself
  87. Learned to listen to advice without taking it as criticism
  88. Realized that when I didn’t want to hear something – that was the time to listen closely
  89. Worked out despite busy work days and overtime
  90. Worked out despite hail storms
  91. Worked out on my birthday
  92. Went to the gym 6 days a week
  93. Completely stopped ever overeating- even on Thanksgiving
  94. Ate what I wanted, but always in moderate portions
  95. Realized overeating caused me to feel like crap
  96. Did what it took to feel good
  97. Listened to all my senses, not only taste
  98. Accepted responsibility
  99. Found real ways to deal emotional difficulty- especially writing
  100. Exercised to relieve stress instead of overeating, which didn’t work anyway
  101. Changed my plan many times when I learned new things
  102. Celebrated every victory
  103. Didn’t dwell on mistakes
  104. Tried harder every time it got easier
  105. Ate more slowly and paid attention
  106. Walked up 200 flights of stairs
  107. Ran 5 miles without stopping
  108. Did push-ups on my toes
  109. Lifted weights with my boyfriend
  110. Got plenty of sleep
  111. Ate a snack before bed every night
  112. Greatly improved my cooking skill
  113. Made cooking fun by listening to music and dancing around the kitchen
  114. Invited friends to work out with me
  115. Used the gym at the hotel when traveling
  116. Adjusted calorie level as weight changed and activity level changed
  117. Ate more when I exercised and less on rest days
  118. Ate real food, mostly plants
  119. Paid attention to what I should eat more than what I shouldn’t
  120. Had a lot of patience
  121. Didn’t sweat the small stuff
  122. Found my optimism and positivity
  123. Ran faster
  124. Kept going
  125. Didn’t give up.



Posted in BMI, Demons, diet, fat, Healthier Weigh, journey, PSMF, realizations, The Biggest Loser, Weight Loss, Wicked, Wicked Curves | 22 Comments

A little off topic…

I fully realized what a great bunch of kids I am raising yesterday. While I do know it takes a village to raise a child I cant help but swell with pride when I see the things my kids are doing. Yesterday in the 100+ degree heat my son and and his friends held a somber ‘birthday party’ for Caylee Anthony. Unless you have been living under a rock the past few years, you know that Caylee Anthony was a 2 year old little girl supposedly killed by her mother and dumped in a field. Her mother was eventually acquitted but speculation will always remain. The focus in the last few years has been on her mother Casey and her supposed guilt. The kids were a little annoyed by this because it seemed to them the focus should have been on a little girl who was tragically murdered.

So a few days before her birthday my beautiful son Joshua, his good friend Taylor and a bunch of others braved the heat and threw Caylee a birthday party in the park. CAYLEE ANTHONY would have turned 6 this Wednesday August 9th 2011. The kids figured they if she was not murdered her family would have had a party for her today August 6th, the Saturday afternoon before. So at 6:00 pm to commemorate her 6th birthday we released balloons, sang happy birthday and had cake in honor of a little girl lost. The kids hope that bringing awareness to child abuse may help one of them recognize the signs and maybe prevent another tragedy from happening. Its deplorable that children need to be aware of this but its important too. They need to be able to recognize signs of abuse. They need to have the courage and step forward if they suspect abuse. Its disgusting that a little girl has to lose her life but unfortunately, thats life.

It impresses me to know their heart was touched by the loss of this child. I am glad they remember. We are raising a bunch of good kids and I am very very proud. Check out the videos of the kiddos doing their thing :)

Posted in Demons, fear, frustration | 14 Comments

My LifeSaver…

Heheh I was being silly in Photoshop but in all seriousness this woman, and her “Healthier Weigh” Program has not only saved my life, it changed my life. I am forever grateful :)




Posted in Weight Loss | 42 Comments